Thank goodness for the sloughing of my uterine lining and the accompanying hormonal fluctuation that on this particular evening has rendered me completely unsentimental to the perfect gushiness of my romantic relationship.
Finally, I have cleared my cell phone’s inbox of all the adorable text messages that I had previously locked. The hyperbolic compliments and the heartfelt mush that have been accessible little reminders of the magnitude of Kevin’s love for me are no more… and I’m glad! And I believe I will be even when cycle 85 (or so) has ended and I’ve returned to my typical, even-keel nature. It’s stupid to cling to text messages, typed up in a few short moments, as if they are some kind of proof of the way things are.
I’ve actually thought before, that if my phone is ever lost by me and found by a stranger, that stranger could read those locked texts and know that I am loved. (For a similar reason, my mom is called Mum in my contacts. Figure I’ll trick ‘im into thinking I’m British.) But I don’t actually care what the hypothetical stranger thinks; I’ve treasured those texts because they remind me that I’m loved. How ridiculous.
Really, the locked texts that have crowded my inbox for too long probably do more to diminish our relationship in my mind than anything else. I know Kevin loves me. He loves me every day by being patient, forgiving, honest, silly, humble, hard-working, grateful, faithful, encouraging, whatever—and he is going to keep on loving me and he is going to keep on sending me text messages that will speed up my heart. I’ll look forward now to the ones to come, not back. I’ll look forward.
…my phone feels lighter.
First, the title---> actually lol (not the kind we talked out in Theory of Exposition).
ReplyDeleteSecond, I can relate to this post. Not so much about keeping the text messages, but about not being sentimental about that sort of thing.
That whole cliché "actions speak louder than words" (or some junk like that which should never show up in any of our papers) seems relevant. The 30 seconds that it takes Dean to text something he thinks is sweet doesn't mean nearly as much as the way he treats me.
Such a great topic and well written :)
This is my favorite line: "It’s stupid to cling to text messages, typed up in a few short moments, as if they are some kind of proof of the way things are." It's this sort of smart, incisive line that makes a blog worth reading. And you've written this post as if discovering this insight even as you engaged in deleting the texts. I'd love to read in this blog post two or three examples of what you deleted, just to give a sense of the sentimentality you are deleting to make way for something more present and sincere.
ReplyDelete